


Letters You'll Never Read

by wavesketcher



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 10:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5704879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wavesketcher/pseuds/wavesketcher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Canon Storybrooke. Emma is The Dark One and upon exploring her house, Regina finds a box of letters addressed to her spanning the years...an insight in to Emma's feelings towards Regina at every pivotal moment in their timeline. "Dear Madame Mayor, I have no idea why I am writing you this letter. I doubt you'll even see this, let alone read it, let alone care."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Madame Mayor

**A/N: Originally posted on Fanfiction- wanted a change so have posted it on here too :)**

The house is like a hollow shell without its occupant. Emma Swan doesn’t care much for homeliness. There is no trace of _anyone_ amongst its echoing rooms, let alone the life that Henry’s mother so brightly embodies. One would have thought that Emma’s first home would have been a little more sentimental; then again, what does the Dark One have to be sentimental about?

Regina breathes in the emptiness like a fragrance, skimming her fingers along the surfaces and finding not even a ghost of dust on her nails. She imagines Emma’s fragile form perched on the table top, legs swinging just like _Emma’s_ used too when she was bored or hungry or, and Regina smirks at this, listening to her parents’ dumb positivity lectures. Her hands find a wardrobe and the brunette reaches inside, half hoping to feel the cheap leather of a red jacket; instead a dull void that mirrors emotion itself.

She explores some more: books, empty photo frames, one tea stained mug, a dreamcatcher and then… a key. Regina turns it over in her palm, intrigued at its intricacy. It is a small key, chipped at the edges as if used often- the golden shine dulled over the years. The former Queen curls her fingers around its body and begins to sweep over the shelves once again. Her search takes her upstairs in to a sparse bedroom, Emma’s. Aside from a large bed in the centre and two dream catchers dangling in front of the window, the room is empty. Regina inhales and steps further in to the room, gravitating towards the slightly rumpled bed sheets. _How very…Emma._ Trailing her hand over the covers, she wanders curiously underneath the bed. Her fingers meet a book sized solid object, strapped to the underside of the bed frame. Regina begins to wiggle it out of its’ cage in the wires.

It is a rather pretty box. The kind one would keep memorabilia from family then secrete away in an attic. There is no mistaking that the key corresponds with the object and Regina only hesitates for a second before inserting and twisting. Unlike the key, the box is stiff and evidently hasn’t been used for a while. _Strange._ There is a creak as it opens under the brunette’s pressure and a gasp that erupts from the woman herself.

Inside is a handful of envelopes; all with Regina’s name printed on them in Emma’s scrawl. She sighs as she sifts through them, puzzled yet curiously excited at the same time. Her fingers pause at the oldest looking one, yellowed by age and dirty fingerprints. Scratched on the front in biro reads:

_To The Mother Of My Son_

 

And she opens it.

* * *

 

_Madame Mayor,_

_I have no idea why I am writing you this letter- if you can even call it that. I doubt you’ll ever see this let alone read it, let alone **care**. Anyway, I am, so here it goes._

_I love my son, Madame Mayor. I really do. And we can’t keep **fighting** over this-his custody- when he’s the one getting hurt. I can tell you know, contrary to what you might think, I can tell when my son is upset. His eyes just aren’t **his** anymore. We keep on and on, lashing out at one another, forgetting the most important part of **all** of this: Henry. _

_He’s special; a good kid with a heart open to all kinds of wild fantasies. I love him for that… and you should love him too. I have no doubt that somewhere in your heart that you do, but it’s hidden by **something**. And Regina I want you to find the cause of your pain and let our little boy’s smile fill the hole because, trust me, I did and I have never looked back. _

_Goodbye,_

_Sheriff Swan_

_P.S. Emma_

* * *

 

Regina doesn’t move for a very long time- stupefied by the Sheriff and her stupid _stupid_ letter. She chokes on tears, squeezing the crusty paper so tight that a tiny tear cuts across the page, marring Emma’s script. A letter she was never meant to see. But she did. And it hurts because she was a _monster_ ; a monster that both Henry _and_ Emma had to try and redeem.  She tells herself that she shouldn’t read anymore. Yet when she walks out of Emma’s house, eyes now rimmed raw with denied pain, her pocket is bursting with envelopes.

* * *

 

_Dear (I don’t even know what to call you anymore),_

_Here I am again, writing you a letter that will never be read. So it’s true. All of it. My son was telling the truth and I am shaking right now because I’m so… so **angry.** My parents, my family, my home- and you tried to take it all away from me. You’re sitting in a jail cell now and the town wants your head. Funny, huh? That I basically have taken everything away from you. _

_He wasn’t crazy. Henry. He wasn’t crazy and now I’m going to spend the rest of every living moment making it up to him because that is what he **deserves**. You’re pretty messed up Regina Mills, or should I say Evil Queen. You destroyed my family yet now they’re going to destroy you, except in a Snow White and Prince Charming way because they are **good** people. You were merciless and homicidal and terrifying. You turned away a chance at happiness because you were so strangled by revenge. And you couldn’t even breathe anymore. _

_But… I can’t seem to hate you for it. There must be so much darkness in your life, Regina. So, so, so much. Yet I don’t believe for one second that you can’t find happiness again. That you can’t be redeemed and find something to **smile** at once more. I could’ve let Whale kill you but I didn’t because I can’t hate you. It’s stupid because I **should**. After everything you’ve done to my family I should hate you with every ounce of my being but I don’t. _

_Let me help you,_

_The Saviour_

**A/N: to be continued**


	2. Dear Henry's Mother,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the letters are in chronological order. We are still in S2 at the moment, for clarification.

_Dear Henry’s mother,_

_He asked me to protect you. I guess that is what I’m doing at the moment, protecting you. Henry’s there with you now, I know. I told my father that you weren’t dying and I meant it. Let’s hope I don’t grow to regret those words instead. You’re unstable Regina- your drive for revenge is too great and now you have (I can’t believe I’m writing this word) **magic** there’s no limit to your ability. You are too powerful for me, for Henry. I wish you could just **hear** and not let your emotions rule every action. _

_Writing this letter is kind of comforting, I guess. The Enchanted Forest is very cold and damp and, although I’m no stranger to sleeping on the ground, the tree roots are starting to give me a bad back. I suppose, in that last letter you’ll never read, you **did** let me save you… I saved you from the wraith. It was like I didn’t have a choice- as if you were the only thing on my mind at the moment and your safety was **everything**. Pretty messed up, huh? _

_I kick started your magic didn’t I? The saviour’s magic, or perhaps just **Emma’s** magic helping Regina’s magic? Okay that does sound kind of cool! Either way, I helped you and that has to mean something right? _

_There’s this really annoying pirate in the Enchanted Forest who I can imagine you’d find insufferable. I’m chuckling now at the thought of you two arguing, involving a lot of eye rolling I’m sure. He only has one hand and is basically an arrogant ass **but** he said he would help us so I can’t complain. Oh yeah, and your mother is trying to kill us all. Like mother like daughter, I guess. (Cue eye roll from Regina). _

_It is weird, yet nice, being able to write to you knowing that I’ll never have to hear your angry response back. Freeing. Mary Margaret should write a letter to you and you to her. What’s the betting that yours involves several death threats? All this- the curse and everything- because she told a secret! I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand Regina Mills; although, a large part of me would like too. Scary._

_Look after my son whilst I’m gone,_

_Emma_

* * *

 

There is always something so _familiar_ about her vault, a reminder of her past- the past that has helped to embody the woman she is today.  Regina is slumped-yes _Regina Mills_ is slumped-against the wall, the letter in her right hand as her left hand covers her eyes. Her vision is throbbing and she cannot seem to understand why she finds _everything_ so confusing. There is a buzz as her phone vibrates in to life, Robin’s picture illuminating the dark room. She hangs up. Somehow, Emma’s letters seem so much important right now.

* * *

 

_Dear Regina,_

_Thank you. We have a strange knack at this, don’t we? Saving each other. Kind of like “I will always find you”, except without the sickening catchphrase. How about, “I will always save you?” JOKING. Ha, I can imagine the disgusted look on your face._

_Henry told me about all the green lightning bolts and stuff you absorbed. Okay, how did I manage to belittle you sacrificing yourself? Urgh. I’m not good with words. I think, and I’m probably just fooling myself here, you’re happy I’m back? A little bit. I mean, you’ve got someone to say “Miss Swan” to in an exasperated eye roll again? You **did** seem overly eager to bake a lasagne for our ‘Welcome Home’ party at Granny’s… _

_About that: how do things always escalate so quickly between us? I saw you leave and again that weird thing happened where you were the only one in my head and I just **had** to go after you. And I know I said, “Henry wanted it” but Regina I wanted you there too. You said you were sorry and I can’t even begin to explain (or as you would say, “articulate”) how much ~~you~~ that meant to me. _

_I think we’re in a good place now. Henry… he **does** miss you. I know he does because he always talks about you at dinner. Apparently you know the secret to cooking potatoes “just right”? He kept saying stuff like:_

_“Mom always puts a tiny amount of salt on the mash- only a little bit because otherwise it’s too unhealthy!”_

_“Mom and I always used to watch this weird cartoon about a starfish and a yellow thing that lived in a pineapple. She hated it soooo much!”_

_“Guys, can you take me to the stables? Mom said that she learned to ride when she was six and I’m almost twelve!”_

_It’s pretty cute actually. I find myself talking about you too. I don’t really know how, but Mary Margaret came upstairs to hand me some washing and this weird conversation happened:_

_“I bet Regina would hire you to do her washing,” I said._

_“Yes, she probably would. Slave labour, I imagine,” MM laughed._

_“Although…her clothes are always very **neat.** ”_

_“Regina through and through. You should have seen how immaculate she was in the Enchanted Forest. I used to dream of looking like her…”_

_“Yeah she definitely has the best style in Storybrooke. How does she always get her hair to look so full and bouncy?”_

_“Magic?”_

_“That’s not fair! But still I’ll allow it... it’s doing a pretty good job.”_

_Weird right? I’m sure you would be smiling smugly right now at the compliments: I guess it really is a good thing you’re never going to read this. But seriously though, I wouldn’t mind if you magicked my hair from time to time._

_Anyway, I have to go. Henry is calling me for a game of cards. Oops. That was probably insensitive. Perhaps next time you could join us? (Mary Margaret is rubbish and David always has to comfort her- I imagine you would find this amusing)._

_Till next time,_

_Emma AKA card champion_

* * *

_Regina,_

_Why?_

_I was so stupid. I believed you, I looked in to your eyes and believed every lie you told us about Archie. And I wanted to believe you Regina, I really did. You’re special and have **something** which I find so fascinating but… I don’t even know what you are anymore. _

_I’ve just had to tell my son that his mother killed someone he loves. If you could have only seen the look on his face when I told him, you would have regretted every dark act your heart has ever committed. My poor boy is distraught, Regina. And I can’t keep having to shield him from your wrath because you don’t know how to love. So again I ask, why?_

_WHY DO THIS WHEN YOU HAD SO MANY PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT YOU!? You think you’re isolated and unlovable but you’re so wrong Regina! Henry loves you, I ~~love~~ care about you too. Even Mary Margaret does. You don’t have to push the world away.  _

_Don’t give in to her: the Evil Queen. Yes, she is powerful and strong and untouchable but she isn’t happy. And trust me I know how that feels, but when you let even an inch of happiness in it puts colour back in to your world._

_It’s too late now. You can’t come back from death. Archie Hopper met his end by the hands of a deeply unhappy Queen; a helpless Queen._

_I meant every word I said to you on your porch. I have magic now which means that **you** don’t have the monopoly anymore. Henry is not getting anywhere near you because he is MY son. Not yours. **I** gave birth to him and quite frankly Regina he didn’t even used to **smile** when he was in your care. I don’t know how much longer he’ll be able to stand any of this. _

_Goodbye,_

_Emma Swan_

**A/N: keep reading and reviewing guys :)**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was so sad having to write that last letter. I remember watching that episode and wanting to cry. Poor Regina! Still, what would a love story be without drama? Please keep reviewing; it makes me very happy…


	3. Dear Regina,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am overwhelmed by the response this story has got already. I just had to write something tonight! Please continue to give feedback etc.; it is honestly the best thing for a developing writer. It is kind of hard to keep Emma’s tone within the letters, especially when I want to romanticise and use incredibly un-Emma like pretentious vocabulary and descriptions. Still though, I like a challenge!

_Dear Regina,_

_I am so sorry. Please meet me at your vault at 8:30 pm tonight._

_Don’t do anything you’ll regret._

_Emma_

* * *

The letters have crinkled under Regina’s tears. They fell slowly at first; now a torrent of unevaporated pain for the lost _Emma Swan._ She was **everything**. Now everything is just too much. She doesn’t remember ever receiving that letter.  Again, a letter that she never read... though perhaps that one, she was meant to.

She inhales then retrieves the next scrap of paper from its crusted envelope, fearful of the inevitable.

* * *

 

_Regina,_

_You’ve fallen. I never sent you that last letter. I was meant to, this time I really was, but you needed someone to catch you, not hug you. I guess you caught your mother instead._

_I don’t believe you would have killed my family. You want Henry and will stop at nothing until he is in your grasp: does that make you a bad person?_

_Maybe._

_I don’t believe in black and white. You’re grey, Regina. A dark grey, yes, but grey all the same. Kind of like a dark storm. There’s thunder and lightning and rain but when the storm clears it is just so **beautiful**. You’re a beautiful grey and I think I can accept that. _

_My mother is a beautiful grey too. I imagine you are going to be swimming with revenge, as she is swimming with regret but… I’m not asking you to forgive her. I’m asking you to find something else to cling on to. I read in one of Belle’s books that it is the “acceptance of fragility that keeps us stable”. I’m not too sure what this means exactly (you’re the smart mother, not me) but I think I can take a pretty good guess: as soon as you accept that your mother died, that you’re lonely, that you’re **afraid…** you will be even stronger than you were when walls used to tower above you. You don’t have to be the puppet of everyone else’s play. I just want you to be **you** , Regina. Regina Mills. _

_I didn’t know you back then. I’ve read Henry’s book and I’ve heard accounts from various Storybrookers. The only version I’ve never heard is **Regina’s** story. And I want to. _

_Have you ever thought that maybe it is the other way round? That it was your fairytale identity denying your true self? Because I **know** that Mary Margaret is not just snowy white… just as Regina Mills is not just evil. _

_Simply ‘Emma’_

* * *

 

_Regina,_

_Don’t do this. Please. Don’t hurt my son._

_Our son._

_Emma_

* * *

 

_To the mother of my son,_

_Look at my little boy, sorting out our problems because we are too cowardly to face them ourselves. You would rather curse a child then open your heart. I would rather kill you then understand **why**._ _I think I need to stop writing you letters for a while… It’s too confusing and I’m too conflicted._

_Goodbye_

* * *

 

_Dear Regina,_

_I’ve been staring at the blank sheet swarming with words to come. Not writing but staring. And thinking. Neal is dead. I think I might just leave that there. Elaborating will not help. How can I express what I feel when what I feel is inexpressible? Love is a horrible **horrible** poison that strikes in the most unexpected of ways. _

_You almost died too. Strange- two people I didn’t think I would care if they died, but I did and I **would**. Henry almost lost you. I think **I** would have lost you too. I shudder every time I think of those cold bands strapped around your wrists. Regina Mills is the strongest woman I know, no one hurts her- not physically anyway. Maybe you deserved it? Maybe you have had it coming for a long time? The pain: the feeling of absolute helplessness as he tears apart everything and everyone that you love. _

_But…_

_You stood there, over that blue diamond, like it was your duty to **save**. And once again you were a beautiful storm, a beautiful grey. “Let me die as Regina.” I don’t think I’ll ever forget those words, yet I don’t want them to be the last words either. _

_You were the brightest of any storm._

**_Together_ ** _. The Saviour and The Evil Queen- an unlikely pair but an unstoppable one. And like how we saved the town, let’s save Henry. Let’s save our son._

_WE were strong enough,_

_Emma_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: End of S2! The letters are going to get longer and more heartfelt now. I think S3 began to show us elements of romance between the two. I’m excited to get all my ideas out- I hope you are too!


	4. , Your Secret Writer

_Dear Regina,_

_I can’t even begin to imagine your reaction if you knew I was writing you these letters. You’re lying about a metre away from me right now- turned towards me I might add- looking nothing like an evil queen, just a woman, tired and missing her son (kind of cute actually). I never had you pegged as a snorer, Regina, but oh boy was I wrong! Even **Hook** grumbled something in his sleep about the noise. _

_Neverland is strange, isn’t it? Empty. I can feel the magic yet at the same time I can feel it seeping out of me too. Like a drain. I might ask you about it tomorrow. Then again, you’ve been quite snappy with me and the Charming’s lately. I’m hoping it’s just you worried about Henry. I wonder what he is thinking of right now… whether he is looking at the same stars I am as I write this letter. There is this huge one right above you, casting a softish glow on your face. It’s beautiful. You look much less threatening sleeping under starlight._

_Tinkerbell is awake too. I can see her fingers twitch as they lay atop of her torso, as if she’s waiting for something. It is times like these where my mind cannot help but drift to Neal. I suppose it is like you losing Daniel: the question being, what could have been? Only fate knows the answer. Or perhaps the absence of one…_

_I wonder what our fates are Regina. I wonder if they’re ever aligned. I suppose Henry entwines us both. I’ve never really told you how it felt, to give him up I mean. You’ve only ever received him. Heart breaking doesn’t even begin to describe it. To hold my baby boy; to love him with a ferocity I hadn’t even known were possible; to love him unconditionally; to love him enough to let him go… And now he has gone again. Except this time, we’re coming for him. This time he knows he is wanted._

_Urgh. Hook has rolled over. He really does wear a lot of guy liner. It is funny to think you two really did meet in the end. I bet we could have a right laugh over his fashion choices… well if Regina Mills ever laughs. There’s a bit of a fight for male dominance between old Hook and David. Quite funny, actually. Don’t think I don’t see you smirking and rolling your eyes- I do. And I smirk too._

_Oh crap. You just woke up. Oh dear, cranky Regina. Wish me luck._

_Till next time,_

_Your Secret Writer_

* * *

 

_Regina,_

_I just need **someon** e to talk to about this. And considering the real you hates my guts just a little bit too much, looks like it will have to be ‘letter Regina’. _

_Okay so… Hook kissed me. It was unexpected and strange and spontaneous but it happened all the same. It wasn’t anything special. Just a **thing**. It almost felt nice though, in a kissing-a-Pirate-kind-of-way. Nice to feel wanted, I guess. Neal isn’t coming back anymore and… well you-us---- he can no longer be a part of my life. _

_But…_

_You. I can’t help thinking that you were, and this is going to sound crazy, but…jealous? Maybe this is stupid, dealing with- as you would say- the **trivialities** of potential romances at a time such as this? Maybe it is the perfect time? But Regina, I can’t help but wonder why…? Why on earth would you even show any **hint** of jealousy. _

_You turned away almost immediately when you were offered his rum. You called him my **boyfriend**. Darn you, Regina! Why do you always have to be so confusing!? I… I don’t know. I just wish you would **talk** to me. _

_When I first met you, I was intimidated. You were beautiful and powerful and you had this ever tightening grip on my son. Yet you were also frightening and **dangerous** and I was getting sucked in deeper and **deeper**. Then you let me see your past. Your story. And it was as beautiful and powerful and frightening and dangerous as you are. So inevitably, again, I got sucked in. We both have walls, Regina Mills. You have a castle guarding your heart- I have a makeshift piece of scaffolding, glued together by odd snippets of a temporary **home**. Rumplestiltskin and Cora built your castle. And you. You built your own turrets too; and **you** could so easily knock them down. It is merely a mask; a fragile mask. So rip it off, go on._

_I dare you._

_Emma_

* * *

 

_Regina,_

_I love him. I love Neal. And I’m an idiot because I don’t know how to love very well. Like you, I guess. He’s back but I can’t…_

_He left me, Regina. That’s not easy to ignore and forget. Yes, he had his stupid fairy-tale reasons but that was the REAL WORLD. And back then, I wasn’t some book character that relied on happy endings and true love. I was Emma Swan, a teenage screw-up who just got a whole lot more screwed-up._

_Hook wants to win my heart. Neal wants my heart too. Why do I have to give my heart to anyone? Why do I have to **choose**? Regina, I don’t know if I want **any** of this. Right now, the only thing on my mind is our little’s boy smile. Wherever you are, I have no doubt he’ll be right there in yours too. _

_I’m bored of Neverland. Let’s get our son back._

_Emma_

* * *

 

_Dear Regina,_

_I can only imagine how easy it is to relapse back in to the darkness. It must be there, waiting for you to give it something to feed on. Luckily, I’m there too. I wanted to hurt Felix, believe me. But let’s not descend again. You have to stay high, Regina. It is the **only** way. _

_We did it. Our little boy is safe as we travel through the sky on our journey home. Oh my. I’m on a frigging **flying pirate ship** … Your world will never fail to amaze me. You were pretty badass, I must say, ripping out Henry’s heart from Pan like that. I couldn’t have done any of this without you: both the letter you and the **real** you. Our magic is pretty awesome, right? I love saying that: our magic. _

_I’m trying to push the Neal and Hook situation out of my mind and focus on my family. When we get back to Storybrooke I want things to change. The Swan-Mills Family… I like the sound of that. Don’t worry; you won’t have to see me **too** much! Just little things like-I don’t know- dinner at Granny’s once a week, maybe a trip to the cinema? (Do you even **have** a cinema in Storybrooke?) It would good to have his parents getting along. He seems a little shaken up after his adventure. But… I very much doubt Mayor Mills would fancy dining with Sheriff Swan. Only time will tell, I guess. _

_And about Neal… I want you to know that I’m not going to push you out. You’re irreplaceable Regina, trust me. Neal is Henry’s father but he is also a father who has been absent for all of his life. I guess like I was… Either way, you’re winning on the parent front. Don’t worry. You’ve proven yourself to Henry (and me)._

_He went and stayed at yours last night. I guess he missed his Mom. You thought I was… urgh I don’t know! I always seem to say the wrong things when I’m around you. I turn in to an idiot and always manage to offend you in some way. I don’t mean to, I promise._

_The idiot,_

_Emma_

* * *

 

_Dear Regina,_

_I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave. I can’t. Not now… not when…. When you opened your eyes and said my name, it hurt. Regina, it **hurt**. The way looked at me, it **hurt**. And I wish I knew why because maybe if I did, I wouldn’t be crying right now writing this… I would be changing our destiny and saying the right words to make you **realise**. I’m not done yet. I’m not ready. Henry and I, we need Storybrooke, we need our home. We need **you**. _

_WHAT IF I DON’T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE JUST YET?_

_Regina Mills, if this is the last time I ever write you a letter, I want you to know that you were so much more than a pawn in Rumplestiltskin’s plan. You’re most beautiful storm I have ever encountered and this is me thanking you for shedding some light on this dark **dark** day. _

_Goodbye,_

_Emma_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that last letter, from the episode ‘Going Home’ was by far the most emotional one to date. I kept it quite short because it would have been. Emma didn’t have any idea why she felt so strongly connected to Regina. All she knew is that she wanted her to feel loved. And missed. I have some exciting plans for this story and will be updating again at the weekend, hopefully. Please continue to review!


	5. Dear Stranger,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I didn’t put Regina’s reaction in that last chapter…I had my reasons hehe. I hope this one makes up for it ; ) I love you all and your beautiful reviews! It keeps me motivated to continue…. *and yes I am abandoning homework to write this chapter because OUAT has ruined my life- in a good way*  
> Remember in the letters: Emma and Henry have avoided the second curse and are now living under false memories, blissfully unaware of their time in Storybrooke or their true family.

_Oh Emma._

Those are the only two words that Regina can fathom as her hand holds the letters like a lifeline. I guess for Emma, they were. She has always been _something_ to _someone_. With Rumplestiltskin she was his monster; with her mother she was her chance at royalty; with Leopold she was his queen; with Snow she was a replacement mother; with Robin she was- _is_ \- his soulmate. And yet with Emma, she has just been Regina.

Something flickers in hand. A tiny fireball. She clenches her fist, suppressing it, confused at the sudden influx of anger. She is defeated as she sits, back against the wall of her vault, surrounded by a myriad of _magic_ yet most importantly a sea of letters. And she is most definitely drowning.

_Oh Emma._

She flicks back through every memory of the blonde, her temples throbbing at the pain. Emma first arriving at her doorstep, Emma making her so _angry_ the blonde did not leave her mind for the rest of the day, Emma laughing, Emma saving the town, Emma crying, Emma with Hook, Emma with Neal, Emma letting the darkness engulf her, EmmaEmmaEmmaEMMA! Magic is spurting from her fingertips like tiny fireworks, bursting in to flame upon impact with the wall. She is vaguely aware that she is having a panic attack and tries to focus _everything_ in to two words, _Oh Emma_.

_Why didn’t you send those letters?_

“Regina?”

Robin’s voice penetrates her angry shell, fracturing Emma’s image inside her head. Regina wipes her eyes and attempts to gather up the array of crumpled paper before-

“Regina! What happened!? What are you doing?” Robin crouches in front of her, clasping her hands to his chest and allowing her to sob. But his fingers are too cold; too rough; too large for hers and she is lost in his grip. “Regina, tell me,” he softens. And she can’t think, can’t do anything yet fixate on his _hands_.

“Are these…? Are these _letters_?”

She nods.

“From...,” he focuses on the name, “Emma!?”

She nods again.

“Regina….?”

“I- I have to go- I have to find her-and-“she splutters scratching against his hands- a cage around hers.

Robin grips tighter in his urgency. “No! Regina this could tell us about Camelot. The truth!” He reaches for the nearest envelope, unopened.

“NO!” It comes out angrier than she had expected. Robin shrinks back and runs a hand through his wild hair, defeated. “I’m sorry, it’s just…” and she trails off. These letters were meant just for her- not her Soul Mate. It just seems _wrong_ somehow to let him read _Emma._

He smiles kindly and her heart aches. Except… it doesn’t feel like it’s aching for him. They remain motionless for several minutes, blue eyes intently trying to understand avoiding dark brown ones. Robin sighs and presses a kiss to her slightly parted lips. She clamps them shut upon impact and suddenly he’s not Robin at all but Leopold and she just has to get him OFF!

Magic erupts between them as his body is thrown backwards like a discarded doll. Regina gasps and sinks further, shaking with wracked sobs of despair. _I hurt him. I used dark magic._

A veil of tears blurs her vision as the man stumbles towards her. He crouches down once again and she winces, preparing to suppress her emotions and control her magic and-

“Regina. What do you want me to do?”

And she exhales in staggers and croaks out one word. “Leave.”

And he does.

And she can breathe again.

* * *

 

_Dear (I don’t even know who I’m writing to…)_

_This undoubtedly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done in my whole life. But I’m still doing it… probably because **I’m** ridiculous. _

_I have this weird niggling feeling, like a void or something, that is telling me that I should write to you. And I have no idea who **you** is. I suppose I will start with a little bit about me and my tiny family:_

_Home is a roomy apartment in New York. It is the top floor and the view is amazing at night. My son Henry likes video games and chips and rain and he has this funny obsession with striped scarfs. We **always** have hot chocolate at 8pm and we **always** have it with cinnamon. _

_I guess that’s us,_

_Emma_

* * *

 

_Dear stranger (again),_

_I wasn’t going to write to you… but I had this crazy feeling that I just **should**. It has been a year since my last letter and… I now have a ring on my finger. An engagement ring. And Henry is so happy and I’m… that’s the thing. I don’t **know** how I feel. _

_Whoever you are, I feel comfortable writing to you. I feel like I could tell you **anything**. So here it goes: I just don’t feel that Walsh is… enough. That’s crazy, I know. He is brilliant, he makes me smile and feel beautiful but he’s missing that **thing**. That thing where you could look in to someone’s eyes and get positively **lost** in them; that thing where you want to know **everything** about the other, even the bad bits; that thing where you love them unconditionally and **always** have. _

_But that probably doesn’t exist. Except… why do I feel like it does?_

_Emma_

 

 

* * *

_Regina,_

_I remember._

_Emma_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will update VERY soon with the next chapter. Sorry this one was shorter, I just felt like these letters needed to be isolated. It would great if you could a) review and b) follow my tumblr theshamlessfangirl I will be taking prompts for one shots etc. THANK YOU!


	6. Hi (again), Emma

_Dear Regina,_

_So I’m back. Hi. I guess Storybrooke was the void and… I guess me writing you letters was too? No matter where our paths lead us, Regina, I always come back to you. Kind of like gravity- you’re my gravity. Sort of._

_My heart did something really weird when I first saw you at Granny’s after we had come back. Like a jump, then a fall and then a jump again. Weird. It was as if I couldn’t believe that **you** , Regina Mills, the infamous fairy tale character, was so shocked to see us sitting in that booth- like we always used too- with a burger and a milkshake. And then I realised how much it must have **sucked**. How it must have felt to have seen your **son** and for him to see nothing more than a **woman** … _

_But that is when my letter gets better. You broke the curse, Regina. YOU. Look who’s the saviour now, huh? And sure, there’s your sister and her pretty scary green magic but **you**. And if you’re anything like the Regina Mills I know and admire, then you’ll defeat her. You always do. **We** always do. _

_Then there’s the not so elusive year in the Enchanted Forest you all had. Ha. I think it would’ve been fun to see you in all your former glory. Very Evil-Queen-esque I’m sure. But I guess that’s the past. Hook knocked on my door and now we’re back._

_It was nice to finally scheme **together** this time, don’t you think? I even got you in my bug! Wow. A lot has happened with the whole Zelena drama- I didn’t even get a chance to pick up my pen! Okay that’s probably a rubbish excuse. I don’t know… I can’t explain it. Maybe, one day, I might just be able to show it…_

_Hi (again),_

_Emma_

_P.S I wish it had have been you that I opened my door to._

* * *

 

_Regina,_

_I don’t want to write about Neal. I didn’t in my last letter because I couldn’t bring myself to even think of it let alone form his name with my pen. He deserved so much more, Regina. This time, I **want** my walls to go up and I’m building them higher than ever before. But… **you** still manage to always make your way in. _

_So… you have a little bit of happiness of your own now. Robin Hood- that will never get less weird and I am daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. He seems… nice, I guess. I just… I could see you with **more**. Regina Mills you’re the most amazing woman I have ever met. And someone that is **everything** deserves **everything** in return. I’m not talking about some guy from a forest who has twisted morals and stubble. I’m talking about someone that matches everything that you are: loyal and powerful and terrifying with the most radiant smile that you quite literally want to get lost in. You need someone who will love you because you are **everything** that they want, that they need. Not because you’re their pre-determined soul mate because quite frankly, Regina, I call bull-shit on that. How can some ink on an arm tether you to someone like Regina Mills? _

_It hurts. I don’t know why it hurts to see you with him. To see you give everything even though **you’re** everything and he’s just enough. _

_And I’m just Emma._

* * *

 

For once, Regina Mills is lost for words. How can someone like _Emma_ _Swan_ think that highly of her? How can she possibly think that she is _everything?_ She kills. She _has_ killed and she has no doubt that the evil within her would kill again. How can _anyone_ , let alone Emma Swan, think that she, that _that_ , is amazing?

Robin does. But Robin is foolish and fickle and trusts the brand of a soul mate to entwine himself with someone he has only ever seen the light side of. And she’s hiding the ugly, broken, gnarled and twisted contortion that is her past. Emma’s seen it. Emma has felt it and experienced Regina’s wrath; her fragility. And Emma still believes she is _everything_. Regina doesn’t think she will ever be able to comprehend the beautiful intricacies of her son’s birth mother.

She braces herself for the following letters. The pile is significantly smaller now as they near Emma’s final message. And Regina is scared. She fears the words and the emotion that Emma has so carefully concealed. But most of all, she fears herself. She feels everything too strongly, too deeply and Emma Swan has been a thought that has always been _there_ but never considered. The idea that anyone could want her in the rawist of forms is frightening yet spellbinding. And to even host the fantasy of Emma being her everything is the most frightening yet spellbinding image she could ever concoct.

* * *

 

_Dear Regina,_

_So I met the Evil Queen. Time travel is incredibly scary. But you were scarier. And I hated you but was enraptured by you all at the same time… You wanted to kill my mother but she saved herself. I experienced my parents’ epic love story for real. I got locked up in one of your cells and was sentenced to death by your hand. Scary stuff._

_Yet all the time I just wanted to **rescue** you. I wanted to tell you that it does get better, that you get Henry and as mismatched as our family is, a family all the same. You were untouchable and I stood no chance. I still stand no chance. _

_I kissed Hook again and this time I meant it… Okay, so he’s not perfect. He’s shallow and narcissistic but Regina; you don’t understand how nice it is to finally feel wanted; to know that I mean so much to him and for him to mean **something** to me. It is a feeling of safety. And I’ve longed to feel safe for a very long time. So, yes, he’s arrogant and wears the same clothes every day of the year and loves me more than I could ever love him and he’s definitely not **everything…** but he’s also mine. And for now, I think, I can live with that. _

_Yours,_

_Emma_

* * *

 

_Regina,_

_Here I am, messing things up again. And I can never tell you just how much **you** and **everything** means to me because I always mess it up before I get a chance. So now I’ve ruined it for good. I’m not apologising for bringing Marian back because she is a **life-** life that I value. I’m apologising for never explaining the beautiful value that you hold, for ruining your supposed happy ending and for letting you **go**. _

_And I tried to call after you, to tell you **everything**. But it’s too late now and all I have is a bunch of letters you’ll never read. _

_Emma_

 


	7. , the saddest tragedy

When Regina Mills cast the curse, she told herself it was _for_ herself. And it was. She didn’t care for repercussions, she didn’t care for that little baby girl growing up _lost_ because one tarnished woman was too selfish to open her eyes. And she hates the Evil Queen for it. And she hates Emma because somehow, somewhere, she has found a way to accept that person. A person even Regina herself cannot accept.

“Mom?”

Henry’s too deep voice brings her back to reality. She straightens but doesn’t attempt to tidy the scattering of paper, the scattering of _Emma_. Emma’s feelings don’t deserve that. They never will.

“Henry.” The word scratches at her throat, burned raw from however long she has spent sitting in her vault and thinking of EmmaEmma _Emma_.

Tufts of brown hair peek out from behind the stone wall and she greets him with a watery smile. Henry is tall unlike his father, broad shouldered yet lanky all at once. And he is _hers_ and sometimes, when her world lies broken beside her feet, she looks at _her_ son and remembers… this is all for him. She drinks in his stripy scarf and long blue trench coat, as if trying to preserve a memory. Her mind drifts back to when he was just big enough to hug her waist, draped in a too big school uniform, the same tufty hair and mischievous smirk. He used to run home from school, desperate to devour whatever treat Regina had baked and left on the kitchen table. He used to tell her about his day right from the moment his tiny feet shuffled in to their slippers and every hour after that. She remembers his love for reading, how chubby fingers used to paw at the bookshelf until he found the _right one, mommy._

And now he looks just as broken as she does.

Regina moves over for him, clearing a little space between her legs and the _letters_. Henry shifts to rest his head on his mother’s shoulder and they both stay absolutely still, finding each other’s hands in the dark even though the lights are on.

“I miss her, Mom,” he whispers and she knows that there are tears tickling his cheek.

“I know…I do too.”

“I miss everything. I miss how she used to make me laugh and call me kid even when I wasn’t anymore. I miss her red jacket and our Thursday night’s at Granny’s which we used to hide from you,” he chuckles sadly, “We would pretend we were going over to Mary Margaret’s but really we’d spend the evening chucking fries at each other and slurping on strawberry milkshake. She would always go for extra-large and me medium and we’d share a big plate of freshly cooked fries- sometimes Ruby would help us out between shifts- and then we’d walk along main street laughing over who annoyed you the  most… Mom…”

Regina has been smiling throughout Henry’s words yet stops at Henry’s tentative tone. “Henry, what is it?”

“I….I think she really cared about you. Like _really_ cared. Maybe even loved…”

The brunette woman almost chokes on the idea of _love_. Emma _loved_ her? Impossible. Yet why has her heart rate doubled? “Henry, I really don’t…” and her voice trails off and she is suddenly so very… aware. Letters from Emma are littered over her vault floor. _Letters_ from Emma. Letters that paint Regina in a most exquisite light; letters where Emma has just been _Emma._

And suddenly she needs to go.

“Henry! Henry, where is she? I-I need her.”

Her-their- beautiful son is smiling now, no beaming, as he helps to pull his mother up to her feet. Regina is beaming too, every emotion she has ever felt towards the idiotic blonde fuelling her every move- _her_ idiotic blonde. She has no idea what she is going to say, but, somehow, that doesn’t seem to matter. All she needs is Emma.

But…

_Maybe even loved. Loved. L o v e d._

Regina reaches down to grab the last remaining envelopes. They feel heavy with a weight of something Regina is scared to find out the identity of. There is a reason why Emma Swan is now clothed in black, her skin a glistening white. And Regina _needs_ to find out.

* * *

_Dear Regina,_

_I need to stop. I need to stop entertaining impossible possibilities. I need to let you go… except I can’t, not really. You’re always going to be a part of my life because of Henry. And because you’re **you** , Regina Mills, I don’t think I can ever let you go._

_I still think that you are worth more than Robin but then again you’re **definitely** worth more than me. I’ve opened my heart up, Regina. Hook. It doesn’t feel magical but it sure does feel better than being alone all the time. I mean, I actually went on **date**. Yup, Emma Swan on a date. It was pretty good actually. Nothing like a date with Regina Mills, I’m sure, but still pretty good. _

_We’re bickering again. I’d like to think you do it because secretly you love me but nah, if pigs could fly (wow, I sound like an old man)._

_Oh and my mom told me about your little speech about me not losing magic. Thank you… for caring._

_I guess we let go now,_

_Emma_

_P.S I will always have your back._

* * *

_Dear Regina,_

_I’m so angry. WHY DOES THE WORLD CONTINUE TO DESTROY EVERY INCH OF YOUR HAPPINESS? I saw the page, Regina. You and Robin Hood, and I **am** going to help you- even if it hurts. Let’s find this author and let’s rewrite your story because it’s **beautiful**. _

_I’m so angry. My magic is uncontrollable- an angry dance that just wants to keep on moving and **hurting**. When I lashed out at Henry I broke down. You understand me, Regina. You know too well the grip magic can have on your soul but you **survived**. Heck, you did more than that! You raised a beautiful son and learned how to love again. And your love is fierce. _

_Emma_

* * *

_Regina,_

_There aren’t enough **words** to express what you are. I can only brush upon the surface in these letters because… I’m afraid. I don’t want to fall in too deep. I don’t want to fall too deep in to somewhere I can only drown. But when I saw you, by the town line, after we had defeated that **thing** and had worked **together-** it doesn’t even matter anyway. _

_I’m already drowning._

_Emma_

* * *

 

_Dear Regina,_

_Thank you. I would’ve pressed the trigger, my hand wanted me to, **I** wanted to. And you saved me. Sometimes I wish you would stop, just to make things- **this** -simpler. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t me and could be just be **something** worthy of… But none of that matters because you’ve found Robin again. _

_And Zelena is pregnant. Wow, Regina that author really has written you one hell of a story. Have you ever thought about writing your own?_

_I’m scared, Regina. For the first time magic is scaring me and there is nothing we can do. I fear for our son, too. Gold’s stupid agenda and this stupid **stupid** fairytale world is ruining every chance at happiness. WHY CAN’T EVERYONE JUST **STOP**?! I can’t lose my family, Regina. I can’t lose you. And whatever corrupt plan is in store for us we have to **promise** not to lose ourselves… because it is the only thing that is keeping us human. _

_No matter what happens, promise me._

* * *

 

_Regina,_

_This is it. This is where our story either ends or begins. I’ve been holding it in for too long and I just **can’t** anymore:_

_Regina Mills I am in love with you. I think I always have and I always will. Now, I’m no Shakespeare, but I will try because you’re worth **everything**. _

_Regina, I can’t imagine a world without you: I can’t imagine not walking in to town and seeing you roll your eyes at my presence; I can’t imagine not witnessing your smile when Henry gives you a hug; I can’t imagine not **exploding** at your contact…. I am in love with you and I have been right from the word, “Hi”. _

_And that love has grown. And I’m crying now because I need you… and I can never have you. I think I’ve **always** known that I’ve loved you. I wrote you these letters because you’re a beautiful sky that needs painting. You’re not a story book character, you’re everything and I, Emma Swan, am so undoubtedly in love with you that it **hurts**. _

_It was when you sacrificed yourself for Henry that I just knew I couldn’t hold it in anymore. You think you’re selfish and some evil queen but Regina, why can’t you understand that you’re EVERYTHING THAT I’VE EVER WANTED! I love you. And I’m smiling now because it feels so darn good to finally say it._

_Regina, I want to scale the walls that you’ve so carefully crafted. I want to look deep in to your past and the secrets and want **everything** because Regina Mills doesn’t need sugar coating. I want to wipe every tear that has ever fallen from your eye because I LOVE YOU and you so deserve to be **loved**. _

_But I can’t. And that is the saddest tragedy of all._

_Emma_

 

**A/N: Please review! I love to receive constructive criticism.** _  
_


	8. Madame Mayor (again),

_Regina,_

_Before anyone will tell you otherwise: it was for you. I’m scared now, really scared but it makes it a whole lot better to know that I saved the woman I love. I have no idea what is going to happen to my journey. All I know is I want your journey to be a happy one. Take Robin Hood and have the perfect family that you so crave. That you so deserve. Hey, maybe I wasn’t the one to give you that…. But I sure am the one to grant you it._

_Impulses are a funny thing. I just **knew** saving you was the one thing I needed to do. An impulse. I guess loving you was an impulse. _

_I need you to protect my family. From me. I can **feel** the darkness, Regina. I can feel it eating away at every bit of **Emma** inside of me and, oh, I want so **badly** to just hold on to her. She is the one who loves Henry, who loves you. _

_And she will always be in there… waiting for a day that will never come: A day where you can bring her out. When you break my curse._

_I saved you now you save me,_

_Emma_

* * *

 

_Regina,_

_Hi._

_Maybe we could have left it at “hi”? Maybe then I wouldn’t be here now, crying because our “hi” went on for too long? Hi. We could have had mystery yet we chose pain. We could have had safety yet we chose desire. We could have had stability yet I chose love._

_I guess now our “hi” becomes an even longer “bye”._

* * *

And then they stop. The pile has ended. The envelopes are all opened and Regina is scratching at the ground with her nails _willing_ Emma to appear out of the dust.  _No. No. NO. There has to be more! There has to be!_

She rocks back on her heels, hitting the wall with a thump that does little to faze her. She is channelling _everything_ on Emma, as if thinking of her alone will materialize the blonde. Lost. She is so lost without the paper that told her everything about the _everything_ that is Emma Swan. _Her_ Emma Swan. The Emma Swan that loved her unconditionally. The Emma Swan that centred her world like a gravity that she wasn’t aware was the only thing that kept her standing. _Bye. She couldn’t just end like that. Love just doesn’t **stop**. Why does there have to be such a thing as finality?_

What if Emma Swan was her end before she even got to say goodbye?

But Regina Mills is never one to give up lightly. She has a tenacious grip on anything she puts her mind to and will **fight** for it. Heck, she cast a curse to avenge that stupid princess. And she can sure as hell do that and **more** for Emma.

She tears out of her vault on foot, too fractured to focus her energy on magic. The woods stretch out infinitely as she plunders through, nettles scratching at her ankles and laughing as she stumbles over log after log after log. The edge of town, a microcosm of her whole world, emits a soft glow as she breaks out in to the road. She stops and breathes. _One two three four_ … and then she’s running again, fighting for a love that she may be too late to save.

“Regina!”

The brunette doesn’t stop until lean fingers press in to her forearm. Snow’s brow is crinkled in concern; a discarded drawing that doesn’t meet the child’s expectations. Regina pulls away and detangles her dishevelled hair, suddenly centred by an all too familiar voice. She smiles weakly at the petite brunette but fails miserably.

“Regina Mills, that was a quite a sight to see! I have never had you pegged as a late night jogger?” she chuckles softly, reaching out to grab her former step -mother’s hand once again.  And Regina finds she is grateful for the stability.

“I need Emma,” she enunciates, inhaling sharply and turning away from the other woman.

Snow’s eyes begin to dance with knowing and a small smile teases the corners of her down turned mouth.  Miss Mills had always been a woman of intrigue but for once, the former Princess was certain of the answer.

“So… I guess you know now?”

“What,” Regina snaps, pivoting back to face the brunette yet dropping her hand in the process.

“Emma. You know how she felt all this time?”

 _Felt._ And it’s enough to make Regina collapse. Her gravity gone; perhaps forever.

“She wrote me these letters. **So** **many** **letters**. And she cared, this whole time she cared. More than that, she loved me. And I didn’t know! I had no idea-this whole time-she-Emma-“ she’s shaking, sobs begin to rack her body and she falls, the pavement cradling her broken shell.

“Oh, Regina,” Snow whispers, drawing circles over the older woman’s back. “How could you not see it?”

“I-I-I didn’t think I could see it. Robin-and Emma- she’s just _everything_ \- and I’m-I’m-“

“You’re Regina Mills. And she’s Emma Swan. Simple as that,” Snow says firmly, pulling a shaking Regina up to her heels. “Regina, don’t let a tattoo and some pixie dust define you. Emma let herself be imprisoned in a doomed relationship because she **thought** she wasn’t good enough for you.”

Regina snorts at this, “Emma Swan is good enough for this whole insipid town, and you know it.”

Snow brightens, “Of course I do. But you’re just as good enough for **her** , Regina.”

A sniff elicits from the older brunette.

“I mean it! She has always loved you and I’m pretty sure you have always loved her. So get off your high horse and go and save her!”

Regina rolls her eyes, still watered from tears, “You’re not my mother.”

“I might be soon,” the petite woman giggles, giving Regina a gentle push towards the direction of Emma’s new mansion. Not a home. Not yet.  

Her palms begin to sweat in a way that is entirely unfamiliar to the brunette, as the mansion veers in to view. _It’s just Emma inside. Emma who loved you. Loved._

And Regina doesn’t think anything could ever hurt more.

She takes several tentative steps up the pathway before taking a similar number of deep breaths.  Then there’s the door and she can’t breathe. _Come on, you’re Regina Mills for goodness sakes! The infamous Evil Queen and the even scarier Mayor! Pull yourself together and knock._

She stares and stares until her vision blurs and the three numbers adorning the wooden panels are like hazy blobs in winter sunshine. _Now._

And she knocks. One. Two. Three…. Four. Five. And now she’s hammering on the door frame attempting to reach _her_. Regina begins to trace circles in the window adjacent to the hulk of wood that is trapping Emma, or most likely she wants to be trapped. Sighing, the brunette turns away from the house, from _her_ , and trudges back down the gravel. She has no idea                 where to go now; there really is no point in looking for someone that doesn’t want to be found.

To her left, the great yellow monstrosity that is Emma’s bug catches her eye. It really is disgusting yet Regina can never seem to hate it enough to magic it away- probably because it would be like magicking Emma. And today Regina wants nothing more than to crawl inside it and mourn the loss of its idiotic owner. She summons purple mist to her finger tips, enabling the door to click open and her slender form to slide in to the passenger seat. Smells of Emma and chocolate and burgers and even Regina’s own perfume drift up her open nostrils as she smiles. Never underestimate the comfort of familiarity. And right now Regina has now been more grateful for the metal coffin on wheels bringing Emma back to life for her again.

She doesn’t notice the note taped to the steering wheel until several minutes later. The stars had begun to dance across the sky; Regina enraptured by their motion as she painted constellations like infinity was her canvas. Perhaps it was… until she read the note.

* * *

_Madame Mayor,_

_I never thought I’d ever call you that again. I thought by now it would be something more than “Regina”. I guess no matter how far we travel, somethings never change. You’re still the mayor that never loved me back._

_I am trying so hard to resist it for Henry… for you. The darkness doesn’t take well to resistance; neither does it take well to love. I saved Robin, Regina; I saved him because you begged me to. I SAVED HIM BECAUSE I LOVE YOU._

_Hook wants to move too fast. I can’t do it. I can’t do any of this anymore but I’m going to have to. I don’t want to be alone. I DON’T WANT TO HAVE SIT THERE AND WATCH YOU HAVE YOUR HAPPINESS WHILST I HAVE NOTHING! Is that selfish? Probably. I don’t care. I am selfish. I’m allowed to be selfish now because I’ve ditched the hero complex and the red jacket: I’m the **dark one**. _

_I begged you too, Regina. I begged you to open your heart to **me,** to Emma Swan. I told you I loved you and…. You chose **him**. YOU COULDN’T IGNORE SOME STUPID PIXIE DUST AND A LION TATTO! YOU COULDN’T! Why was it so hard for you to believe in us? WHY!? Because I have been over and over it in my head and I **can’t** understand. _

_I loved you, Regina Mills. And now I am going to love black instead._

_The Dark One_

 

 


	9. Dear Emma,

_No. Emma Swan, you don’t just get to do that. You don’t just get to give up. No._

She watches as the letter crumbles in to a million tiny fragments, her magic fuelling the grip she once had on the tangible paper- now just another element in the air around her head.

_No._

She has had enough of sorrow. She has had enough of always being on the cusp of happiness before someone or something destroys it. _Regina_ used to destroy happiness. Now she’s had her life trampled on, flipped over, crumpled and rewritten like a crappy poem that never quite seems to rhyme. She let herself believe in the possibility of a happy ending; something, ironically, _Emma_ had taught her once long ago.

She watches the clouds as they spike the sky; a drunken attempt to shield the sun from emergence. _No._ Her happiness had been deprived from her for far too long. She was a _Queen_. Despite her broken crown, she was a Queen none the less. And she wasn’t just going to _cry_ anymore. Her tears have dried, leaving an emptiness that begs to be filled.

And if Emma Swan can’t fill it, maybe anger can.

_Yes._

Regina yanks open the car door, inhaling the freshly espoused oxygen as her veins shiver with magic. And if feels so _good_. Too good. Power. Her fingers hover over the air like a pianist about to attack the keys. She summons a fireball to her palm and watches as the flames lick the surrounding picket fence of Emma’s house. Laughter emits from her mouth as the reflection in her pupils emulates that of the sun- an angry sun. She’s making music and it’s liberating.

She only sees pain as she lashes at the prison that is keeping _her_ Emma. She has loved for far too long and _still_ Emma Swan thinks it is okay to rescue her heart only to crush it once more. She thinks of the villages that fell at her command, the men that would cower in her wake but mostly she thinks of the ghost of a life that persisted on slipping through her fingers. Daniel. Robin. Emma. Emma. _Emma_.

The building is engulfed with flames but she doesn’t stay to watch it burn, instead she turns on her heel and walks away. She’s watched her failures for long enough- this is her turn to be in charge: to wear the crown. Storybrooke is too tranquil, too ordinary and she’s raging, aching for a fight that demands only one opponent. Fire trails behind her as she steams through the street. _You will notice me, Emma._ This is _her_ town and they _will_ remember.

Granny’s is beginning to blossom in to life: the first few threads of morning breakfasters arriving for coffee and pancakes. _Why can their life go on yet mine can’t? Why did I have to fall in love with Emma Swan?_

_Because she’s everything. And you can’t have everything._

Regina growls and forces open the diner’s door without a physical touch. She surveys the startled faces and stalks to the counter, a predator hungry for a prey she can never have. Not anymore.

“Regina what are y-“

“Shut up,” she hisses, grabbing at the older woman’s apron and yanking Granny toward her, “Where is she?”

Granny pushes her back.

“How _dare_ you! I am-“

“You’re Regina Mills and you’re using dark magic so I suggest you get the hell out of my diner before I call Robin!”

Regina’s lip quivers in rage at his name. “He’s not the boss of me,” she snarls. She doesn’t care anymore. She doesn’t care about how far she’s come or how much she’s changed; all she cares about is how she’s tired of losing. And that she wants to win. “NOBODY IS THE BOSS OF ME!” she’s screaming at them, repressed rage at a life a far cry from poetic.

“Regina.”

And her magic dissipates in a single word. _Emma_.

“Stop. Regina, stop.” 

The other woman flicks her wrist and they’re enveloped in a charcoal smoke, and all Regina can see is Emma and pain and fire.

* * *

 

Regina has always found solitude at the docks. She enjoys the constant motion of the waves and the distant light of _something_ on the horizon, reminding her that she is simply a small part of a much bigger plan. Today she is shivering because Emma Swan, her _everything_ , is standing a metre away from her.

“Thank you for setting fire to my house, nice touch,” the blonde quips with a hardened glare fixated on Regina.

She straightens and curls her tongue. “No thank _you,_ Miss Swan. You really know how to mess up someone’s life, don’t you?”

Emma’s expression clouds, “Oh, are we not on first name terms anymore? I thought we were closer than that, _Madame Mayor_.”

“That depends. Does Emma still love me or is it just the Dark One that doesn’t?”

The blonde flinches but Regina only intensifies her stare. She has to remain stable otherwise she’ll break again, and this time she may never be able to piece herself together.

“So you read my letter. I bet that hurt,” she takes a step forward, her breath tickling Regina’s ear as she hisses, “Do you think Robin will kiss it better?”

“No.”

“Oh, so _now_ you understand? _Now_ you can see. _Now_ you want me. Well I’m sorry, Regina, but sometimes love hurts.”

“BUT I DON’T LOVE ROBIN!” Her scream shatters the façade that the Dark One has so carefully mastered.

“THEN WHY DID YOU CHOOSE HIM?”

Regina opens her mouth, then clamps it shut again, fumbling for words she cannot express. She sighs then lowers her tone, “Because he was safe. Because I was scared. Emma… Emma I’m scared of loving you. I’m scared I’m never going to be enough for you. I still don’t understand how you could ever have loved me? And those letters, those beautiful letters…. I can’t…. I just don’t know how to be that person you fantasise!”

“Don’t you see? You _were_ that person. Regina, those letters were the truth. I couldn’t help loving you because you were _you_ and you were everything.”

The brunette chokes when she hears that last line. And she wants it so badly, her happiness, and to hear Emma- to hear EMMA- say those words is enough to shatter the foundation she has built her anger upon. Fragility is her cloud and she’s storming.

But Emma just watches her. She watches her shake and crumble as love is whole universe away from loved. Everyone knows that the Dark One’s walls are impenetrable.

“Emma-“ Regina strains- “You were- you are- everything too- and I- I love you!” And she finds herself smiling between tears because she does and it has never felt so _right_ to form those words with her lips. So she says it again, and again, louder and louder until she can enunciate each word with a clarity that eradicates any hesitation. “I. Love. You.”

Emma closes her eyes as several tears begin to mar her chalky complexion. She is shaking her head as if each “I love you” is separate stab.

“Regina, stop.”

“No, Emma. It’s true. I won’t stop and I _can’t_ stop.”

“Regina, stop.”

“I love you, Emma Swan. “ And she grabs Emma’s cold, cold hands.

“REGINA, STOP!” Emma is shaking, screaming at her whilst Regina just smiles and smiles because it is Emma and she needs _her_.

“Emma, you saved me. I _need_ you!”

“WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST SEE THAT _I_ NEEDED SAVING!?”

And the Dark One disappears, leaving Regina standing at the docks, her hands still holding the ghost of Emma’s.

* * *

 

She writes Emma’s name over and over before deciding on a suitable cursive. The thing with Emma is that she herself can tell a thousand stories just by _being_. And to capture that in a single word, a _name_ , just seems impossible. So Regina wrote it like she was writing her last ever word because, maybe, she was.

Her pen nib halts at the comma, suddenly all too aware that what must follow could be an end or a beginning. This was her first chapter, yet it was also her last and Regina wasn’t ready to close the book. Emma is an aggregation of things, of _everything_ , and the brunette can’t even begin to string infinity in to a single sentence.

And then she realises. Folding the piece of paper several times over before slipping it into an envelope, Regina can feel her pulse hammering once again, demanding an attention only one person can give. _Emma._ She takes the long route to Emma’s mansion, assuming it has been restored from the ashes by a quick nod of the powerful sorceress’ head. She walks slowly up the path for a second time in the space of a few hours, carefully making each footstep another inch towards her happiness. And when she knocks, this time the door opens.

She places the envelope in Emma’s hand and glances shyly up at the other woman.

“Hi.”

Because Regina realised that this wasn’t about her. This was about Emma. This was about Emma’s happy ending. A happy ending she deserved from the moment she arrived on Regina’s doorstep all those years ago. This wasn’t about _Regina_ needing Emma; this was about _Emma_ needing Regina. And upon this realisation, Regina had known exactly what to write in that letter.

_Dear Emma,_

_Let me save you._

_Regina_


	10. EPILOGUE

Emma,

I want to start with a quote. Now I know you’ve never been one to read but I think that this is important:

“I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self-respect. And it's these things I'd believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn't all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Emma, we’re the beginning of everything because you’re _my_ everything. And I believe in you. I don’t suppose it is sufficient to just say ‘I love you because you’re _Emma’_ , so I will try and elaborate. As the literary genius (that’s someone who _writes_ , Emma) Fitzgerald so eloquently states, I **did** fall in love with your courage. I **did** fall in love with your sincerity and you can sure as hell bet that I have fallen in love with your self-respect too.  I also fell in love with your idiocy, your desire to always put others first, your fire and your smile. And I’m still falling, Emma Swan. I doubt I will ever stop.

I’m not saying that it will be easy. Loving me will never be a path devoid of fluctuations. We’re both imprisoned by a past that has caged us for far too long, emancipated by the future of each other’s key. I will get angry Miss Swan, I will lash out and push you away but I will always, _always_ want you back- _need_ you back. And you will need me too. This isn’t about my happy ending Emma, it’s about ours.

Yes. Yes I did read those letters and, yes, I did save you. But you saved me first.  Emma, if I’m a beautiful storm, you’re an ocean. I want _everything_ , even your stupidity (especially your stupidity) because who am I to deny the surprising (if slightly cocky) Emma Swan.

Because even if you aren’t all ‘that you should be’, I will still love you:  just as you loved an Evil Queen. And just to think Miss Swan: my curse broke with a “Hi” on my doorstep and your curse broke with a “Hi” on yours.

Now let’s write our own fairy tale.

Regina

P.S. if you ever write me another letter; send it next time.

* * *

 

Dear Regina,

I suppose this will be my last letter- I have the real thing now. You’re sitting in the room next to me as I write this; probably at your desk doing Mayoral stuff as Mom does seem to be failing on that front. And that makes me so happy. No, not just happy- giddy. You make me giddy.

When I was a little girl I used to love Peter Pan. It was probably the only book I have ever truly loved and it probably still is. Okay so yes, the fantasy got slightly destroyed when I met Peter Pan and Tinkerbell and-oh my- _CAPTAIN HOOK_ in real life BUT at the time, that story was my whole world. There’s something beautiful about being a care kid and getting to travel to another realm; for me that was Neverland. And I will forever remember the quote that has shaped me today: “What if I fall? Oh but darling, what if you fly?”

Regina Mills I was falling but you helped me find my wings. I’m flying now and it has never felt so _good_. I’ve fallen throughout my whole life. I’ve fallen for _you_. And you caught me…

When I wrote you those letters, I had _no_ idea that I would now be living in your home- a _family_. Shit. That’s all I’ve _ever_ wanted. You and Henry- my family. Mine. Until now, I’ve only ever had a yellow bug to call home. Now I have _you_.

Hook is doing okay. Ironically he’s got a job at Mr Gold’s shop and seems to be enjoying single life i.e. drowning his sorrows in alcohol and fairy nuns. And Robin… He really did love you, Regina. I’d almost feel sorry for the guy if it weren’t for the fact that he stole you for so long. He’ll be okay too, eventually. That’s what you get when you run against a Swan *cue HUGE eye roll from Regina*. I know it’s hard on you- I can see it in the crinkles of your eyes and the creases of your brow- and quite honestly, it just makes me love you even more. You care so _deeply_ and, Regina Mills, I am honoured to be on the receiving end.

We don’t ever have to be anything more than Emma and Regina. I know my mother has crazy plans for the future but we’re still fragile. And it’s beautiful. We began as Emma and Regina and we’ll end as Emma and Regina. Beautiful.

You were shocked when I told you that I had got a new tattoo. I pretended it was spontaneous but truthfully, I have been imagining the word on my skin for some time now. You still have no idea as to what it says - letters you’ll never read. But I’ll write it down here because I love you:

_everything_

Because you are.

Love Emma

P.S. I think we beat Snow White for the most epic love story.

P.P.S. Thank you for being my beautiful storm.

P.P.P.S I love you.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we reach an end. Head canon:   
> • Emma’s ‘everything’ tattoo is on her hip with a little rain cloud beside it. When Regina does find it she does something completely out of character and goes and gets one herself (on her wrist, very small, basically imperceptible but still something).   
> • Henry walks around the Mills’ residence extremely smug for about a month and demands lots of ice cream and trips to Granny’s to celebrate  
> • Snow comes round almost every day to check on the new couple; David takes a little longer to warm to it but is pleased to see his daughter happy  
> • Hook doesn’t take well to the news and spends many of his days down at the pub and on one occasion, bursts in to Regina’s house guns blazing! He is drunk and with a simple flick of her finger is passed out in the hall way (much to Henry’s amusement).   
> • They keep the letters in a scrap book in Regina’s vault out of Henry’s reach- who knows what that kid could get up to with them ie. publish a book of their love story  
> • Regina broke Emma’s curse with TLK- very simple yet revolutionary  
> • *I wonder if anyone is actually reading these*  
> • Robin remains very quiet when Regina tells him the news (he did cry later) and she hugs him and tells him that she is sorry that she cannot be what he deserves *emotional , huh?*  
> • Storybrooke is a buzz with the news of Emma and Regina but is generally very accepting – Leroy begins to call them Swan Queen as a joke and it takes off (much to Regina’s despair)  
> • The two ladies argue A LOT but they also laugh at one another, bicker and gaze in to the other woman’s eyes A LOT as well so it’s all good!   
> Thank you so much! Let’s keep this story alive… 
> 
> Please check me out on tumblr: theshamelessfangirl and my youtube: shameless fangirl 
> 
> I will posting some more stories very soon so please keep an eye out :)


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